These past couple weeks have been trying. Always, I am thrilled about the miracle that is growing in my tummy but there are other circumstances that continue to haunt me. I forget sometimes that I'm recovering from cancer survival and growing tiny bones and organs. I get winded easily and sleep a lot!
It seems like every time I do something (laundry, dishes, etc.) I'm ready to take a break. My tired body from very little physical activity needs a sandwich and an episode of 19 Kids and Counting before the next activity. I'll be looking like a dough boy again before too long!
Yesterday was my first day back to the Y after a full month of being out on doctors orders. (Why is it that everything wrong with me medically causes me to become fat and lazy? Come on, God!) The fact that I made it somewhere by 9am was a miracle in itself but that productivity didn't last too long. My hour long Deep Water class had me practically falling asleep at the wheel on my way home.
I skipped the shower and let my chlorine soaked head hit the pillow to rest for just a little while. I couldn't be down for too long or I'd miss my lunch plans with Patsy (My precious grandmother and favorite woman in all of Orangeburg!) Once my eyes cracked open after a much longer than intended nap, I saw a missed call, voice mail, and text on my phone from her. A text message?! My sister wasn't over there that day which meant she took the time to figure out how to compose and send one to me. I was late, and she was definitely worried! I called her back and eased her poor mind and reschedule, got up to wash the chlorine out of my hair and then... "Man, I'm tired!" So back to bed I went. I turned on the audio bible on my phone and worried myself right to sleep.
I have mentioned before my experiences with depression. In high school my doctor didn't pay enough attention and mistaked my depression for ADD. Years later after a move to and from Seattle on top of nursing school and cancer, it was time for antidepressants again. Thankfully I'm off of them now with baby Jones making him/herself at home in my womb. I'm not someone who is susceptible to a hormonal imbalance, I've just been through a lot. It's something I live with now but try to maintain a healthy lifestyle to avoid it ever happening again. I began to fear that I may be slipping back into a depression.
After I finally woke up at 6pm I cleaned the kitchen, cooked supper, and spent the evening with my favorite guy. My insomnia began to do its thing and I got the floors swept and mopped too! "Ok maybe I'm not so bad after all." I thought to myself.
Sure enough, I was out of the bed before noon today (I know that sounds ridiculous but work with me here...) I was steady doing things all day and not once did I get tired out. I made it through the whole day on only one episode of 19 Kids and Counting! And it was on my lunch break, not my snack break ;)
My list of accomplishments are set on a much smaller scale of excellence than the average person. But they are celebrated just the same! It's days like today that I'm able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's far off but I'm know I'm getting better; stronger. This idea and this plan for recovery is actually happening and that feels so good! Tomorrow morning I return for Deep Water so that calls for another day of full on rest I'm sure. But each time, I know I'm going to get a little better; a little stronger :)
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