The common question you ask any person is, "What do you do?" This sends Harrison and I stumbling over our sentences when the question is directed towards me. My occupation at the moment is "student." So an expected follow up for that is, "what are you going for? " or "how much longer do you have?" These are questions that can't be answered at the moment. Dave Ramsey says that when someone uses the explanation, "I'm just waiting on the Lord." That's just Christian fluff for "lazy. " However, that's exactly what I'm doing and no that doesn't mean sleeping around the clock.
I have tons of ideas for things that I'm really good at that I could use to serve the Lord. I want to teach biology at a college level, I really want to open up a learning center, etc. etc. The ideas never stop! My crazy brain overflows with them. There have been scholarships that have opened up for me and job opportunities to get my feet wet and obtain some experience. So when you ask me "what do you do? " The answer is truly, "I don't know" and I really am waiting on the Lord to open that door for me! But in the process, I'm moving!
I have been taking classes in effort to finish my associates in science degree. That stepping stone will offer a great foundation for me to take on whatever God has next. I'm working on getting an associates in finance degree as well. It's online and is not accredited, but like my favorite teacher and mentor, Joe Sangl, says, I will have a Masters Degree in my own finances. This is strengthening my marriage and my relationship with God.
Before my treatments, I was a go-gettin', straight-A, student. I could attack any course, take my time learning it from the inside out, chapter by chapter and get an excellent grade. This is where the recent scholarship opportunities came from. I earned them! However, these sweet instructors of mine have failed to notice that I'm not that same student that I was pre-chemo. I have seriously lost my mind and my failure to remember a thing has caused my GPA to plummet. My inability to concentrate has driven me to ask my teachers to cut me some slack. It's frustrating and embarrassing and makes me feel like a total failure. Now, post-chemo, the fatigue is 24/7 and the nausea will hit me like an oncoming train. I've lost over half my weight which makes things like going up the stairs a whole lot easier. What I'm trying to say is, I look much much better. People expect more from me being that I look so much healthier but the truth is, I'm very unreliable and that's not from a lack of trying.
All that to say, for now, we feel God is closing the door on school. Harrison and I have realized that I am still very much in recovery. It's just not working. Each semester I have had to drop a class to help me manage and I still can't get a grip. I think my brain will return to normal eventually but for now, I need to offer my body something its been deprived of: time to recover. After much prayer and council, this is the decision we have come up with. I'm officially a community college drop out! ... For now at least ;) and like Harrison's favorite song says, "While I'm waiting, I will serve You."
I don't plan on letting myself slip into depression because I won't get off of the couch. I have much to keep me busy with a house, a husband, and a praise team to nourish. I don't feel like I'm falling backwards. I actually feel productive if you can believe that! Any time you stay obedient to God, you are taking steps forward and in the right direction! So you can obtain the title "community college drop out, " and feel totally useful/productive at the same time! Oxymorons like that only come from a devoted relationship with Christ!
No comments:
Post a Comment