Church Families

As I write this, I am on the plane headed straight for my dear husband. Oh have I missed him! He and I both have learned from this experience that, if we can help it, never again will we be traveling without one another over a long period of time. (I'm sure you gathered that from my previous post) However, we also learned a lot of other things from my trip to Seattle.

There were certain people I saw that brought back so many memories. This happened the most while I was visiting my former church. Those poor people probably didn't know what to think after greeting me with a "Hi, how are you!?" Because each time, I would burst into tears. Let me take a moment to remind you that I was not much of a cryer before chemo. I have learned that my entire experience with cancer has totally altered my hormones and I don't think my former church family was ready for that! It was a little embarrassing!

If you read my post "Our Testimonies," then you have somewhat of an understanding how much these people mean to me. I learned so much from this church. While I was there I had the opportunity to share my testimony following Pastor Bill's sermon. In doing that, I was able to thank everyone for what they had taught me and let them know that they had a success story on their hands.

First Baptist Church of Arlington's mission is "Christ in you, the hope of glory." I got to tell them that I saw Christ in them and He was glorified. I wanted whatever it was that they had and I received it! In turn, I took that important message and used it to witness to Harrison and he then got saved. God used them to witness to me so that I could go and witness to Harrison. They needed to know this and they needed to hear my gratitude.

I've tried to replace my church and I've learned that is not going to happen! We finally found a new church family at Northside Baptist Church after a lot of "church shopping." We were drawn to their mission: "Doing whatever it takes to share Jesus." I've learned that I can do that by letting people see "Christ in me, the hope of glory." So thankful for the people and the places God has brought me to!

Distance makes the heart grow fonder

"What the Bible Says about Marriage and Sex." This is the name of the book that has taken me 2 months to get half way through. Not because it's not a great book but because it's merely been a sleep aid for me. The amount of medicine I have to take to even make me drowsy is unreal. A good book and sometimes even a nice bubble bath seem to help out!

This is a book that I absolutely would recommend. It hits several points on marriage based on the book, "Song of Songs." The guy does an excellent job giving you a step by step through the book. However, we are not all going to agree on everything!

The title may have caught you off guard, huh? I love one of the points it makes about that particular subject: The world has made sex look to be a shameful act when it's one of God's beautiful creations.

Don't worry, it caught me off guard too and my father in law really didn't know what to think about it! I took it with me everyday to radiation to give myself something to do while I waited. After getting looks of concern from him for several days I finally decided to break the ice... "Want to read this while you wait? It's all about sex!" I asked him. "Oh no!" Was his immediate response!

Moving on past the title... One thing this book mentioned was going periods of time without your spouse. The guy said it was great. He was going with the "distance makes your heart grow fonder" affect... After reading this, I thought my trip to Seattle was now a fabulous idea.

I was just talking with my brother this morning about temptation and what we're supposed to do with it as christians. God says we are supposed to flee! Being a whole country apart from your spouse sets you up for a boat load of temptation. I packed my bags and ran toward it. Resisting the Devil?? No, the exact opposite. I'm sorry, Timmy. I'm a total hypocrite by going on this trip without Harrison in the first place!

God says a number of things about marriage in the bible. One thing He says is, "Man shall leave his mother and father and cling to his wife." Thank you honey, for vowing to me on our wedding day that you would follow through with this. You certainly have! But I also vowed to you that I would be your helpmate. It's not very helpful for you to cling to me while I'm across the country. I owe you an apology as well!

Now I'm not saying that things won't be great once I get home. I'm sure it will be a heartfelt embrace but things will quickly go right back to the way they were. We will fall right back into our everyday routine and it will be like I never left. So what do we do the next time we get into a fuss? Pack our bags and leave for a while? (I'm not saying I'm having marital issues, I'm saying I have come to understand that this would not be the solution to one.) No, God days we're supposed to come together during hard times. I love that Harrison acts that out, taking that verse totally to heart, every time we do get in a little tizzy. My immediate reaction is to leave the room but after a while, he comes in after me and pulls as tight as he can into his embrace. Just like God calls us to do.

So I'm sorry to the author of that book, I disagree with you... I do not think that distance is healthy for a marriage.

Another night to remember

I feel like I just had the best night ever but I look back on my time with these particular friends and then I know, this is just one of many nights to remember.

The second we got out of the car and met up we picked up right where we left off. It didn't matter that we havent seen each other in 3 years, it felt like youth group was just yesterday. I instantly reverted back to a16 year old (in youth group years, thats 5 years of age). We may have some childish tendencies.

When I first moved here 6 years ago I wanted to have them all over to the house to hang out one evening. We had a pile of junk food and a debate channel on mute. We were each assigned parts on which person we were going to voice. We were dying with laughter. I must say, we are a witty bunch of people!

Marcia came downstairs to check on us. "Do you guys want a movie or something?" She asked. "Oh no, this is good!" We told her. Who knew a debate could be so entertaining!

We also used to sumo wrestle in slow motion, spin someone around 10 times, shine a flash light in there face to watch how many times they would fall down, and then we put two peoples heads, each in a different leg of a pair of pantie hose, and make them run in opposite directions. All the while yelling at each other in our own dialog: the lisp! Friends, what would we have done if someone who actually did have a lisp come to youth group?? Hmmm... SHUN!!

My friends, these WERE the times of my life. These are my most precious memories. I know God put you together at the perfect time for when I came into town. I needed you in order to gain a relationship with God. Not to try and take all the attention but because of that, this point in my life was my turning point. God made you for me during a particular time in my life where it was almost over. Thank you for being reflectors of Jesus and making it look so appetizing and invited with your sillyness! It was then that I got to know our Lord and savior and began soaring.

I didn't soar for very long though. I inherited some new friends and headed down a horrible path. I didn't know if my old friends would want a thing to do with me after my disgusting lifestyle I chose to live after a while.

Thank you for your forgiveness. Thank you for not making me feel like I need to continually apologize for my poor actions. Thank you for letting me be the same old Taylor with you!

And thank you, God for friends like them :)

Update

I have not done a very good job updating lately! As most of you know, my last PET scan showed a clean bill of health. The cancer is completely gone!

I received a phone call from Kim and her words exactly were, "your PET was completely normal!" Normal?? The first time in two years... Normal?! My heart felt like it was about to burst out of my chest.

I fought for a long time to find out what was wrong with me. I didn't understand why at 21 I felt like I was 40. I had every ailment known to man that comes with old age: massive back pain, reflux that was out of control, fatigue, and the list goes on... I just knew something wasnt right and it ended up taking a toll on my relationships, and especially my marriage.

It doesn't look too good when you've been in bed all day and there are still dirty dishes in the sink because your back wouldn't last long enough for you to get them into the dish washer. I became the ultimate couch potato leaving Harrison with everything to do around the house. He never could understand but I KNEW something was not right. And now: normal...

Just because everything was clear didn't mean we were finished though. I had 15 rounds of radiation treatment to follow up for precautionary purposes. I didn't want to hear that after chemo. I was so ready to rest and begin my healing process but then it was time to fight again. My dad asked me, "Oh you can get back to it! We might need another cancer party, do you have just one more cancer party in you? Just to get you going again?" "I'm just so tired." Was my response.

As soon as I got off the phone with Him, Harrison saw the tears welting up. He grabbed me, kissed my forehead, and layed my head in his chest so I could just sob. "What's wrong?" He asked. "I'm tired. I just want to be done. I don't want to do this anymore." I cried. "Oh, baby you have to keep going. You can do this."

For the next 3 weeks, my support system was unreal. We broke out the calendar and everyone was eager to sign up for what days they wanted to take me. my father in law signed up for a lot of them and I thoroughly enjoyed our talks back and forth hearing old stories and getting to know sides of him I didn't know existed. He's a tough guy.. God has molded him over the years and he had some incredible stories to share. Thank you, Bing! I enjoyed our time together :)

My mom signed up for an entire week and I loved spending so much time with both she and my sister. We loved being in Columbia everyday because we had a plethera of food options. (Go figure!) Everyday we would take off to the doctor and then go for the cravings! Yes, I think we may have gained another 5 pounds that week but we had such a good time!

My last week of treatment was special because Harrison got to take me everyday. I was giddy to "show him the ropes," and let him see what I did everyday. As always sweetheart, I loved my time with you!

I am truly blessed and loved by so many. It's overwhelming to reminisce on all of my friends and family who were there in a heart beat to do anything they could to help out.

I was perfectly capable of driving myself but the support I had in knowing that NO ONE wanted me going by myself, not EVER (not even to a doctors appointment!) did so much for me emotionally. Thank you Harrison, Bing, Ashea, Aunt Melinda, Rebecca, Ashby, and mom. Having someone with me everyday helped me keep going. Thank you for doing the little things. Although small, they are paramount!

Yes, I am ALL DONE! When Kim told me not to come back and see her for 6 weeks, I really didn't know what I was going to do with myself. My next appointment is couple weeks away. I'll get my port flushed and I'm not sure if we'll be scheduling the next PET or not. One thing we will do though: gossip! I love my time with my nurse practitioner as well ;)

The medication is still a work in progress. The reflux is getting under control but I still have a very hard time getting to sleep and with the weight gain came restless legs... GREAT!

No I haven't had any great epiphanies which is why I haven't posted but I figured it was time to let everyone know what has been going on!