I missed a few steps...

Treament # 12 has come and gone today.... Hello last treamtnent! No more chemo!  

Oh I was a blubbery mess this morning. Crying over every little thing due to the excitment of, "It's almost over." Nanci and Harrison were to only say few things to me about it otherwise i was forced to put my hand tissues to use! They did well for the most part. I had just a few momemnts when I had to hide and compose myself. I was very emotional!  

We went to our "big time celebratory occasions" place to eat: California Dreamimg. Harrison and I always get so excited for chicken finger platter, 2 side house salads, onion loaf, and croissant. I'll tell you those chicken tenders, as always, were out of this world! Friench fries, are aways a big negative on the day of treatment. The croissant sucked too due to my change in taste. Thanks chemo! But the salad, minus it's tomatoes and eggs (Which made Harrisons meal more enjoyable) hit the spot! Salads have been my craving this week ;)  

After lunch we were on our marry way and I cried a little more of course!   Once we got home, I was ready have my husband and just snuggle in his chest and fall asleep into ablivion. (Best naps ever). I had to wake him up though because I had started to cry again! Whew! This is starting to get old now, thanks. 

Ucle Shorty and Aunt Melinda came by shortly after that and asked on their way in, "How are you felling?" "Good!" I responded. "Actually no, not good at all. This one was bad." My treatments have never bothered me so bad to the point of tears. After my 100th trip to the bathroom, I came back and could barely hold myself together. Harrison was fixing to get up and blug my IV back in and I told him, "No stay right there, I feel like I'm going to throw up. Can I just sit in your lap." I sat there and just cried in his chest. Not because I was excited that this was my last treatment but because I just fealt so bad.

Ever since treamtent #9 I have they have gotten worse and worse, scaring me before each treatment thereafter. I'm so glad this was the last one! I couldn't handle another one. God gives us just enough for us to handle. And 12 was my max!  

We followed Aunt Melinda and Uncle Shorty home to take them up on their offer for supper: more salad! Shortly after we finished eating, I started feeling bad again and had to run back home. Harrison drew a bath for me in hopes of easing my stomach to which another emotional break down took place! Starting to get wierd! I didn't even know what I was crying about at this point. I couldn't pin point a trigger. It was just happening every half hour.  

After I got out of the tub and crawled in the bed with Harrison, it happened again! Twice!!

"What's wrong?" He asked.
"I don't know! I promise I'm not making this up, I just cant' stop!"
"I wish I knew what I could do."
"Just be here for the next one. I promise I'm not making this up. I know this has got to be so annoying for you. You can go into the other room"  
He didn't. And he stayed :) "For better or for worse"  

By the next mental breakdown I knew something wasn't right. I new this was not because I'm still overjoyed that I got to ring the "free of chemo bell." You don't cry this much because you're last treamtent is over. So I got in touch with someone on my oncology team and asked, "What is wrong with me! Has the chemo screwed up my hormones? What is happening?"   Her response:"You hit the ground running with this diagnosis and never looked back."

She's so 100% right. After 2 years of syptoms I didn't care what it was that I had. What do I have to do to get better? Was my immediate response. When it should have been, "Holy cow, I can cancer!?" Just like when you're sick with a cold and the doctor gives you an antibiotic to get better. I compoared this to that. An antibiotic to a cold was no different than how chemotherapy is to cancer, for me at this point.

You need to bioposy? GO for it! Let the surgeries begin!
Oh, it's Hodgkins Lymphoma? How do we get rid of it?
Chemo? Let shave my head. We'll have a party!
Vomit, fatique? Yeah, we'll quit nursing school  

We haven't had a chance to stop and soak in what all was happening. We were just (very quickly) Making life changing decisions. Now that these traumatizing episodes are over, they are coming to the surface and bubbling out! I CANNOT STOP CRYING  

I missed a few steps: The grieving steps. Now that the worst is over, I'm going to hit the grieving process whether I want to or not, I guess!
 
I'm hoping I can get the heck out of St. Matthews this weekend and just get it all off of my chest. So thankful for good friends and a wonderful husband and family who are all here for me... Even though I'm crying at tshe top of a hat! That's no fun for anyone!