We found out that my "silly trip to the ER" was due to some lung damage I now have caused by one of the chemo medications. They immediately stopped giving that particular medication. Since then, I have been noticing some new hair growth. Score! However, In order to prevent the lung damage from becoming permanent, I have been put on a very high dose of steroids for an extended period of time. These steroids have been the worst part of this entire process.
They are supposed to make you wide awake but mix them with 3 rounds of chemo and a handful of daily medications and all they do is keep me awake. Not awake enough to be out and about and productive. I find myself getting into the most annoying cycle: I get up and start doing things around the house and quickly get tired. So I lie down to take a nap and then I can't fall asleep! So I get back up to do stuff around the house, and the cycle continues. Annoying!
Its been weeks and since being on them I have now gained a whopping 35 pounds! Yikes! Yes, I also have the moon face going on. I look like a totally different person. Which is seriously embarrassing when I run into someone for the first time since I've started treatments and it takes them an awkward 5 seconds to recognize me.
Needless to say, my self confidence is totally shot. I'm beyond pleased that my hair is growing back but I still look like a little dough boy! I've been trying to remember that God and Harrison both see me as no different (and that is by some great miracle). I can't understand why that isn't good enough. The only man I have to impress in my life thinks I'm drop dead gorgeous, and I don't even have to impress him... He's stuck with me for the rest of his life!
Every week they bring my dose down just a little bit more. Slowly but surely tapering me off. I finally get to the halfway mark and hit a stumbling block. 2 am the other morning I get up and go to the kitchen for something to drink and notice my right knee was hurting a little. Not half an hour after I lie back down and both knees have flared up into excrutiating pain. I examined them and noticed they were also swollen. It took a few hours and some meds from my surgery to knock the pain out. Half drugged on pain pills, my mother in law drags me in to see my oncologist. There we proceed to find out that my knees are fat, not swollen and the knee pain is being caused from steroid withdrawals.... Fabulous!
Today I noticed my cough and shortness of breath trying to make a come back. I decided since my nurse practitioner likes me and added me on facebook that I had the right to send her a personal message. I was instructed to jack up the dosage again. So disappointing!
I'm hoping next week I will be able to hut the diet trail. I feel absolutely miserable! I will still eat until I'm full... I'll just filling up on healthier choices. A daily walk is also in order. Trying to make it through this obstacle! "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...."
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