Thank you Kennedy, And thank you God!

I was ready. When I heard the word, "lymphoma" I didn't even flinch. Don't get me wrong, it was hard and there were days where I felt like I couldn't do it anymore, but that's how trials are! For the most part however, I was a warrior. I know God won't give you more than you can handle and He gave me exactly the right dose of tribulation. Just enough to bend me, not quite enough to break me.

For whatever reason, after falling in love with Harrison, I have had a terrible fear of losing him. I was 19 years old and stressing out every time my boyfriend went out of town. What if he gets into an accident? I couldn't live without him. That's just nuts! You're not supposed to live in that and dwell in that. Especially not at 19!

That fear became real for me days after my diagnosis. Harrison and I held each other and cried all night long. He refused to get up from the couch with me when it was time for bed. "Let's just stay here a little while longer." He would say, "We can be closer here." We didn't know how much time we had left with each other. But once the doctors assured us that the treatments would work quickly and effectively, it was war time! And we fought through.

I was in the car a couple of months ago listening to a new song that I'm obsessed with! I was soaking up the lyrics and praising God for what He did in our lives through my battle.

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior"

These words describe perfectly what God put us through. As I continued to worship, that daunting fear took over my thoughts again: what if something were to happen to one of us? I began to pray and plead that God would get rid of those horrid thoughts and the pain that came along with them. "Why am I dwelling on something like this? This is so unhealthy!"

All of a sudden I felt a calm and then I felt God speaking to me. "I already saved you. Wasn't that enough? I put you through a life threatening situation and I saved you. Did that not show you?" Feeling relieved,  I quickly changed the station and praised Him all the way home! "You are so right!" I thought. Isn't he always though?

Some of you may be familiar with Kennedy Branham, the 14 year old girl who just recently lost her fight with brain cancer. Harrison and I watched her story on the news last night and instantly fell in love with this young girls heart as we listened to her loved ones talk about her. This girl's only focus was to use her tragedy to share Jesus with others. Always smiling and not once asking God, "why?" As I watched a clip of her, having completely changed in appearance due to all of her medication, smiling as she hugged and thank someone, I felt God speak to me again. "I gave that to her, I didn't give that to you. She could handle it, you could not. I will never give you more than you can handle."

I know that sweet girl touched so many lives, teaching others about the peace we can have through a relationship with Christ. God used her life to teach me something too. Thank you Kennedy and thank you God!

Response to the Robertson's

Yes, I'm doing it. Joining in on the commodity of all the reporters, bloggers and irate Facebook sharers on Phil Robertson's dilemma. Is it really a dilemma though? I believe otherwise.

Just like when studying the bible, if you focus too closely on all of the nitty gritty details, you will miss the entire point; the moral of the story. I have written about this in previous posts. In the midst of my sinful nature I will go ahead and admit that I am so tired of all the picking and pulling apart of every little word that was said during his interview. Quoting every small detail of his words, the amendments, and even Miley Cyrus for crying out loud! But in the midst of all of the commotion, I think God has done a very clever thing here! I mean He is pretty smart, right?

Whether what Phil said was pushing the envelope or not, who cares! Look at all of the attention this family has gotten! All of America typing Phil Robertson's name into Google, and youtube in hopes of hearing what he has to say for himself.

I've looked up his name on those sites many times myself. Not to catch up on the latest gossip, but to listen to his sermons. America is "googling" the name of the man who has made some of the most incredible points I've ever heard.

The only thing that man and his family hope for is to spread the good news of Jesus Christ. I think God has answered their prayers. I doubt it was the way they were expecting, but God has put them all in a position where our nation is listening to what they have to say. Their voices are being heard!

I say something often that I never thought I would ever say: "God, thank you for blessing me with cancer." Sounds crazy right? But God answered my prayers during that difficult trial as well: He has made it way easy for me to share Him with others. After sharing my "Mary and Martha story" with my pastor, in response to my  joke, "I didn't literally mean it when I asked God to use me to speak to others!" he said, "No, you just didn't know what you were asking for."

As I have seen Him do it many times in my life, I believe when you put your hopes and dreams in the hands of the creator, He's going to give them back to you bigger and better than anything you could have ever planned out for yourself. I know He has done the same for this God fearing family.

Mary and Martha

The past 48 hours have been stressful and sleepless. I did very little over thanksgiving break after my surgery and it dawned on me just how much schoolwork I didn't get done come Sunday night. My "study buddy" and precious friend, Jeanette, is in the same boat!

We decided to meet at the library on Monday to knock out some studying. Bad idea! I've mentioned before that she and I don't do anything but talk when we get together. And talking, we did!

We have always felt strangely comfortable with one another to share what's on our minds and on our hearts. She has been going through some extremely difficult struggles and has fallen on hard times. I just let her talk it out. Soon enough some of her old skeletons fell out of the closet, and I watched her fall apart before my very eyes as she relived a traumatizing event. So much for studying! However, I'm glad God chose me to be the one to help comfort her.

Tonight it was time to get back to it! We both had specific things we needed each other's help with for our upcoming test. After my night class, I went straight to her house to tie up some loose ends on the studying. "Ok, I have enough time to clean up before you get here so your timing is perfect!" She told me in a text. "You do not have to clean for me! The only reason my house is so spotless is because Harrison is a neat freak!" But sure enough, as soon as I walked through the door, the smell of cleaning products smacked me right in the face!

We sat down to study and got off topic before we even started! Talking in disbelief about the evolutionary processes that we were trying to cram in our brains for the test. The bible opened up before the biology book did! I have so enjoyed these conversations with her. We finally got on track and hit the books.

Before I knew it, it was 2am. "Oh my goodness I need to get home!" Our conversation went down another rabid trail as I was packing up my things. This time we got onto another blood boiling subject: her previous religion. She was shooting out bible verses that eliminate any possibility of her former beliefs to be true. She was going on and on and all of a sudden, I totally zoned out of the conversation. I looked at her and saw this girl who had been so worn down. Tired and broken. But then I was reminded of the mind blowing thoughts, epiphanies, and revelations that she has come up with so early in her faith and with nothing but prayer and God's word to guide her. She was learning things that took me years to figure out after numerous explanations from my dad, my youth leader, and my pastors. In the midst of all of her struggles and hardships, I saw this woman who was so bright and so intelligent. "This isn't her. She's not going to be stuck in this rut. She's so smart and so above all of this. She's going to be just fine and she is going to do amazing things. If she just put every ounce of trust and gave everything she had to God, Oh my goodness, He is going to richly bless her!" These thoughts were swarming my head as she continued to ramble. And then I heard a voice, "Tell her."

My head became light, almost as if I was going to faint. My stomach was exploding with butterflies. "Tell her!" The voice got louder. "Taylor, tell her!"

She was so caught up in what she was talking about and I was completely gone from the conversation. I didn't want to cut her off so I began to pray for her. Repeating all of the thoughts that just flew into my mind about this girl. The butterflies were unreal and then I felt them start to drift away. I tuned back into the conversation. "This is so insignificant. Why are we talking about this?" I thought to myself, but now I knew, it wasn't me thinking this. Jesus was talking directly at me and Jeanette came to an end with her speech.

"I have to tell you something." I started. "I feel so light headed and my stomach is swarming with butterflies. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before." The look on her face changed completely. "I have to tell you that you're going to be ok. You are so smart and you are so above this." I said.  All of a sudden we were crying. Why was I crying? Not that I don't enjoy and care for her, but I don't have much to do with her situation. Then I continued,  "Put all of your faith and trust in God and you will do great things. And don't dwell on this stuff; these other religions. Focus on what is." I told her. All of a sudden the butterflies left my stomach and heart felt like it bursted right out of my chest.

"Taylor, did you just feel that?" Jeanette said. "My heart just felt so heavy, but open at the same time time." She cried.  "Yes, I felt it." How did she know to ask me that? What would  make her think that I was experiencing the same physical feelings? "When you said you were light headed and your stomach... I was feeling the exact same way!" She continued. "Taylor, your eyes got so big when you started talking to me. Your pupils were so dilated." She then reminded me of the story she told me in the library. "Every stranger who went out of there way to help me that day, they had these big blue eyes. I didn't get it at the time but then I saw your blue eyes get so big and it all made sense. It was Jesus!" She exclaimed. This reminded me of how the little boy in the book, "Heaven is for real" described what Jesus looked like. He couldn't stop talking about His eyes; His big sea blue eyes!

"Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. This is just crazy!" I told her. She then told me of a bible story she was reminded of. "You know that story about the two sisters who had Jesus over at their house? One of them was cleaning and cooking and told Jesus that her sister needed to be doing the same thing for Him?" She asked. I wasn't familiar so she went on to explain "Jesus told her to stop and that she should be doing what her sister was. Taylor, I was cleaning like a mad woman before you got here but then I felt God telling me to just calm down. I get it now. Jesus was here! Oh my gosh, He lives. Jesus lives!" Everything she was shouting was so biblical.

This is the craziest thing that has ever happened to me. I have been asking and praying that God would use me to speak to others for His glory. I didn't mean that literally! What an awesome answer to prayer!

I went home and found the story she was talking about. I think she and I both took on the roles of Mary and Martha!

Luke 10:38-42
New International Version (NIV)
At the Home of Martha and Mary

38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”