Christ in you, the hope of glory.

Four women showed up at our house yesterday. They brought some money that was raised for us, prayed over us, and brought me some nice company and good conversation :)

Three of them, I was meeting for the first time which opened my eyes up to how huge our support system is. They mentioned several times my faith and my strength and how well I'm holding it together. Something I have heard several times. One of them started to cry as she told me how guilty she felt for waking up angry because she had a blemish and yet saw me around town with a smile on my face in spite of what I'm going through.

I am not trying to boast on myself. My point is that God is at work. I can't take credit for my strength. I have Jesus in my heart. I have a mighty God who I am leaning on and depending on for strength. He is obviously at work and others are obviously seeing Him at work in me. The bible says those who hope upon the Lord, He will renew their strength. Isaiah 40:30-31. I am so thankful that God has been faithful and true to His word. Because He has renewed my strength.

I am so thankful for those ladies yesterday. Saint Matthews is a small town. People know my situation around here. But if I try to hide under a wig, the rest of the world will see me as a "normal" person. I'm going to let them see that I am different, that I am sick. And I'm going to pray that when they see me smile that they will see Christ in me, the hope of glory. Maybe they will ask, "how do you do it?" I hope they do, because I would love to share :)

Watch "Glory to God Forever - Fee" on YouTube

Hair or no hair?

I had my hair made into a "headband" wig. It's exactly what it sounds like- hair hanging from a headband. So I'm supposed to wear it with a hat and no one will be able to notice.... Supposedly. I've tried the thing on a couple of times and it's just aggravating. Stationary hair that doesn't have any sort of "natural flow," and I have to wear a hat on top of a head band... No thanks! I was pretty excited about it at first but the more I play with it the more frustrated I get... The more scared I get also. Pretty soon I won't be able to throw the stupid thing in the closet and go about my day. Pretty soon I'll only have one of two options- fake looking hair or no hair. I'm crying as I write this. Why? What is the big deal? It's just hair! I have a husband who thinks I'm the cats meow day and night (morning too... and that morning breath is kicking!). I know with out a doubt the way he looks at me isn't going to change no matter what. Even when my hair is gone. Isn't that the only thing that should matter when it comes to my looks? So what's my problem?

It's the stares. It's knowing that people know you're different. You know they have a million questions, they want to know why. Typically I just want to give the explanation and let them know, "I know I'm different. I don't know if you knew that I knew I was different but I do. I'm not stupid." I dealt with that everyday when I moved to Seattle. I tried so hard to lose the southern accent but that drawl always managed to seep through. People would look at me funny. Every time I walked into a room, met someone new, or spoke to the cashier at the grocery store, the first thing I wanted say was, "I'm from south carolina, I have a southern accent," just to clear the air. Now it will be, "I have cancer, please don't feel sorry for me."

So there you go, I'm not perfect. This thing does get me down sometimes ;) Now I'm going to go thank my Lord and savoir for what He did when he chose to come to Earth and live a poor lifestyle. So thankful that I have a God who can relate to all of my problems because he's been down here and he DID NOT live like a king. He died naked on a cross... For ME (and you too). How humiliating that must have been. Yet, here I am complaining about my hair. Oh father, please forgive me.

Noah's Arch

It's the last night before my third treatment! I'm starting to get the routine down. I know I'm going to be exhausted until at least the end of the weekend, my jaw will be sore, and I will be craving foods like a pregnant woman. Something very unfortunate for my husband. While I'm laid out on the sofa, the poor guy has to ride all over town picking up whatever food I've ordered to fix my next craving. Not to mention the 5+ days that I'm down and out, all household maintenance falls on his shoulders. He starts the laundry before he leaves for work, finishes it when he gets home, straightens up the house, and then picks up supper. I am so grateful for my husband.

He and I got married just this past august. We were only engaged for two months. Of course, everyone thought we were pregnant or stupid for getting married at such a young age. We were just being obedient. Harrison came to me last year on Christmas day and told me he felt God wanted us to get married. I told him he had lost his mind. Four months later I found myself crying and shaking from excitement in my in laws living room because God had just told me the very same thing. We didn't know why. We figured we had been together for two years and we were emotionally prepared to take the next step in our relationship. I was fixing to start nursing school, Harrison was going to take care of me financially- not a responsibility for a "boyfriend," that's the job of a husband.

God has reveled himself big time. When I told people we were getting married because it's what I felt God wanted us to do, I felt like Noah telling everyone he was building an
arch because God told him to. I felt silly. It never stopped me from talking about it but I knew what people thought of me. God told us to expect that though. It is written in His word what the world will think of us for living for Him. I wish I had a reference. I've read it several times though.

After I was diagnosed with cancer and became totally dependent on my husband I felt like Noah when the flood hit. We took a giant leap of faith being obedient to God.... And great is thy faithfulness.

Intro

Well I guess since this is my first ever post on my first ever blog, this should be some sort of an introduction... So here goes! My name is Taylor. I am 21 years old and I am recently married. I have a serious fetish for crafts and projects. I'm like a walking pinterest board... Something I get from my mother. Most people appreciate it but it drives my husband nuts! I'm also a thinker and a planner. Some people say they can hear the gears turning in my head. Something I get from my dad. Mix that in with the crafts and you've got a recipe for disaster. I could seriously sit, think and plan crafts all day long. It's Another trait that others are impressed with but has my husband rolling his eyes and sighing every time I utter the words "so I was thinking." I've gone from having plans of being a doctor to a professor to a housewife. We've had plans go from renting, to buying a mobile home, to purchasing a four bedroom home so it will be paid off by the time our future kids go to college. I trend to obsess over planning a little bit. Unfortunately all of our ever changing plans were put on hold a couple of weeks ago. I had to drop out of the nursing program due to my recent diagnosis of hodgkins lymphoma. Everyone is very sympathetic which I appreciate but I'm not sad, I'm excited. I've felt bad for two years. It all started with one swollen lymph node at the base of my neck which I later learned was stage one hodgkins lymphoma. It progressed into acid reflux, sore throat, coughing, wheezing, shortness of breath. By the time I found a doctor who was concerned about my symptoms and figured out what it was, I was at stage three. I've only had two treatments and I already feel like a million bucks. Not only that, God has moved in my life. Others have gotten to see God at work and they have been inspired. I'm excited that God chose me to be his hands and feet by giving me this. I'm excited to see what He is going to do throughout the course of my battle with lymphoma.