Health Update

I've done a lot of nagging on facebook about current health issues. Sorry, yall! Here's an update so we can be "one and done."

As most of you know I have had serious sleep issues due to the months and months of steroids. (that's where my rapid weight gain came into play also). I had all of the hard core sleep meds and I was lucky if the highest dose would help me sleep a wink. This has lead to a terrible onset of daytime fatigue which I do not need if I want to be successful in school!

I just started back at school on the 12th and the fatigue has gotten worse and worse. On top of that, the side effects from all of the sleep medicine was becoming a bigger problem than the insomnia itself! We had a few scary spells with it and Harrison finally told me, "we can't do all of this medicine anymore. You're 22 years old, this isn't right. Call Sarah in the morning and lets get this settled." Through tears and tears (super bad mood swings from the medication) I agreed to beg my PA for help.

With her help, I was able to find some non habit sleep medication and start my journey toward slowly coming off of the hard core stuff. I have to say I have done exceptionally well as far as the insomnia goes, but the daytime fatigue is still a major problem. I can't still be in recovery mode, can I? It's time be past all of this mess!

I'm so tired of being tired but there are some positive changes occurring. For starters, my hair is coming back nice and soft. I shaved shaved off a full head of beautiful shiny brunette hair. Then half of what was left of it went down the shower drain when the chemo kicked in, then slowly started to grow back scraggly and fine. So not an attractive addition to the moon face I had going on!

I'm finally starting to see bits and pieces of my old self start to come back and it's a huge sigh of relieve! My hair, though short, is coming back in nice and shiny and I'm starting to see remnants of it's pretty flow. So to answer a common question: No, my hair did not grow back different!

The excess 50 pounds of water weight has turned into 50 lbs of something else. I'm really confused about the weight thing. No, I don't look near as large or puffy as I was. I have lost several inches because I look like my old self again, and I no longer waddle like I'm 9 months pregnant. I feel so much better! Before I could hardly get up out of my chair, or walk down our front porch steps but now I'm comfortable doing everyday things again. I don't want to burst into tears anymore every time I drop something on the floor. Bending over was the worst!

So I'm not sure what or where it's hiding, but it has to still be there somewhere because the scale hasn't moved! That really doesn't matter though because I'm looking and feeling like "Taylor" again!

A foundation for understanding

This girl is back in school! Today was the last day of my first week of classes and man am I beat! I still had to go home at least once every day this week to take a nap and rest up between classes which is something I was hoping to avoid this semester but that's ok! My NP who has become so dear to my heart keeps reminding me that I'm headed towards my "new" normal. I might have to make extra efforts here and there to beat any oncoming fatigue. Even though is a "new" normal I still like the idea of normal!

I'm so pumped about the classes I'm taking and the excitement continues to intensify as God reveals to me the things I have to potentially gain from each course.

I have already been down the beaten path of anatomy and physiology classes and somehow managed to come out unscathed. Those classes did wonders for my understanding of other everyday things. My amazement by our almighty God grew tremendously as I learned about each complex organ system. The events that have to take place in order for us to maintain homeostasis are so complex,  it's a wonder our body gets it right every time. Which enforces God's Word when He mentions that Jesus holds all things together. Someone has to be holding it together because there's just no way that! Its a wonder we don't get a "system error" every time our body goes through the complicated process of secreting a couple of digestive enzymes so we can pass our lunch without getting a blockage. and if we do happen to get a blockage, the muscles in our intestines are designed in such a way that they can squeeze any undigested pieces to break them up.  This is the 27 foot long tube by the way that is constantly contacting it's muscles to get our food from one end to the other that amazingly never gets tangled or knotted up. This is just one example of the millions of processes our body goes through. I don't know how that makes you feel,  but I get chills down my spine because God is declared and glorified in his intricate creation. 

You can tell I loved my biology classes. Not only did they aid my faith in our almighty creator, but they helped me understand other things as well. In high school,  chemistry was a subject that I never understood.  I just memorized equations and by some great miracle,  passed the class. I never understood the subject,  because I was never given the big picture. Where in the world are all of these chemical reactions taking place, and why? My biology class made me totally conquer this subject as we learned the levels of organization. These things called atoms make up molecules,  the molecules make up cells which make up tissues.  When you put tissues together, they make up organs.  When organs are put together,  they create organ systems. Finally,  when organ systems are put together,  they make up an organism (human). So when you break us down into our smallest component, you will find that we are totally made up of chemicals.  OKAY!  There's my big picture,  now I can make sense of this!

This semester I'm taking a totally different biology: Bio 101. which is a life science. After our first day of class learning about what this course is all about,  my big picture got a little bit bigger. There are two other subjects that I don't understand at all: history and politics. I'm embarrassed to say that I don't know anything about the civil war and I'm super embarrassed to say that I can't even grasp why we're fighting in war right now! Don't worry,  I've tried really hard in doing research but I just don't get it. Then I had a major breakthrough as I learned the objective of this course I'm taking.  Those organisms that I just talked about?  We took it a step further: when you put them together,  they make up a population.  Populations put together make up a community.  And you work your way all the way up to a biosphere.  I don't know about you,  but thats my big picture right there.  Learning about people together coming together as a population,  creating a community and then the whole world and everything in it that makes up a biosphere. What a perfect foundation for understanding politics! Going all the way back, breaking it up into it's smallest component. 

As for history? Guess where we're starting in Bio 101?  Breaking up history into it's smallest component, going all the way back to evolution. No, I don't believe in evolution as some of you know from my previous post, "doubting? " but it makes sense to go back to the very beginning of time to get a solid foundation for history.

I hope this post hasn't scared anyone away from continuing to read my blog! For those of you who struggle understanding anything: your job, finances, school,  maybe even politics like me... Have you found your big picture? Do you have a solid foundation? Sometimes we have to pause and rewind to grasp understanding and knowledge with more things in life other than biology ;)

God's Hears. Isn't that Miraculous?

It's time. It's time to share my sisters' story with the world. I have wanted to do this for a long time now but every time I sit down to write, the words just don't get down on paper the way I want them to. I try to tell her story from beginning to end but it comes to a standstill each time. So I will be sharing this miracle from my perspective...

I was 11 years old when my dad told me the exciting news that there was another bundle of joy on the way. I was going to be a big sister again for the 3rd time. God had already blessed me with Timmy, from my dads remarriage when I was 8 years of age and then only a short year later my mom announced that Amy was going to enter our lives. Now again, I receive the awesome news that another sibling was on the way! I was given this information via the phone of course because we had been living in South Carolina for 3 years by this time.

It wasn't too much longer that I had another talk with my dad when he shared with me that we were going to have a little girl enter the family and her name will be Mireya Simone Howard. Mireya stands for "miraculous" and Simone means "God hears." They didn't do this with Timmy. They didn't find out the gender until he arrived. And there wasn't a need for meaning behind his name as it was after my father's: Timothy Scott Howard.

Of course these thoughts were none of my concern at the time. I remembered I was in the back yard at our house writing the name of my baby sister on the side walk with different colors of chalk.

Later on that year I got THE call that they were going in for delivery! I remember calling Marcia to talk to her and the strangest thing happened to me: I started to cry. "Taylor, are I ok?" She asked me. "Yeah, I'm fine." Was my immediate response. That was strange... Something just did not feel right. So I sat and I waited ready for the next call.

Finally, the phone rang! She's here! I was all smiles as my dad told me about her tiny little hands and tiny little feet and of course her cute button nose! I just wanted to see her.

After all the talk and excitement about her precious little features, my dad began to explain to me something that was not so tiny: Her head. He started going into all of the complications that went on during the pregnancy that they were cautious to tell me about. Mireya had hydrocephalus.

During Marcia's pregnancy there was a blockage very early on. The fluid entering her brain now had no way to drain back into her stomach causing a massive build up.

During the next 5 months this fluid would continue to backflow in her brain, causing a serious amount of pressure that would crush her brain against her skull. This will lead to zero brain activity, leaving her in a vegetative state.

Of course the most sensible plan of action, according to the doctors, would be to terminate the pregnancy. My parents refused to go through with this and had to calmly explain: "As long as there's a heart beat, we will continue to pray." This infuriated all of them because now they have to waste their time with regular check ups on a soon to be lifeless child who had 0% chance for survival. Sounds harsh? That's how it was layed out to my poor step mom every time she had to deal with a nurse or a doctor. Yes, it was very harsh.

The day before her delivery they had to sit around a table with the doctors and make decisions on how they want to end this babys life. The doctors told them that she will most likely be still born and if she were to cry, it might only be a whimper. My parents had to make a decision on how long they would like the doctors to resuscitate if this were to take place.

The next day when they wheeled Marcia into the delivery room, she noticed there was a rainbow on the door. Hospitals do this when a could has died. But remember: there was still a heart beat and we were still praying.

The Sunday school class my parents attended was there in the waiting room praying for Mireya's arrival. Soon they started singing songs of praise as they stood together and held hands. Then at 10:09 one of the women said, "Stop, I feel like it's time to stop." So they stopped.

Meanwhile in the delivery room, 10:09 hit the clock and Mireya was here. She came out of the womb screaming with no need whatsoever for resuscitation. In that Moment, she declared God.

after the delivery my dad managed to catch the doctor and ask him, "how would you compare this delivery to a 'normal' one?" "Exactly the same." Was his reply.

Of course CT scans and MRIs were performed and her test results confirmed everything the doctors had predicted: Mireya has no brain activity. She is supposed to be in a vegetative state.

It's 11 years later and Mireya can do more things than I can! Her memory is outstanding naming all planets in order, recalling the family vehicle from when she was just a few years of age, and I could go on. And no, there are still no signs of brain waves. She sings, walks, and TALKS. Missy Prissy loves to have everyones undivided attention at all times! That's because God demands it. He needs everyone to see His Miraculous work so that we can rest assured that God Hears.

One Step at a Time

There is this person who has recently stepped into my life. I now feel that it is my God-given duty to be there for her. She is in the midst of a big trial right now and every time we speak, the conversation ends with: "Everything is going to be ok, taking it one day at a time."

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own." Matthew 6:25-34

You go, girl! That's exactly the way God intended us to live: "one day at a time."

Moving on....

In my spare time while I'm doing things around the house, I like to go back on our churches website and listen to the sermons that we missed. I listened to one titled, "Faithful Footsteps" written by our churches' youth pastor. The bible verse dedicated to this sermon was Psalm 119:105

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path."

Of course I always thought this meant the obvious: "Jesus is the way!" Right? Wrong! My dad tried to explain that verse to me one time. Notice it's a lamp that is illustrated here. A lamp certainly isn't going to light up your whole path so you can see where you're going. If that was the case, then the palmist would have written, "your word is a flashlight." We have to trust God for where he's going to take us but he gives us just enough light so that we can "watch our step."

I thought that was beautifully pointed out, but now that I'm older and married, I've learned that I can't believe and trust everything my dad says just because the words came out of his mouth-Something I'm guilty of doing a lot. I trusted his opinion 100%. Now I try not to do that. In fact I finally found something that I disagree with him about. Who would have ever thought? So to make my point: I thought what my dad said was great but I didn't trust that it was accurately in context with the bible. and that is OK because that just means that we are fighting to live right by God instead of living for each other. Everything seems to pan out better when you do it that way ;)

After my dad and I had this neat, eye opening, discussion about this verse, I heard Chase's sermon. And I'll be darned if he didn't say the same exact thing! While he was speaking he brought out an old old lamp. He noted that the lamps they had back then wouldn't give off very much light. Only enough so you can see your next step but we don't know where these steps will lead us. That's where faith steps in. We have to trust him for that part!

I love the example he gave with a recap of his life over the past year: He married his beautiful bride, moved from FL to SC, and now they have a little one on the way! He said, if God let him know all of that was straight ashead, he would have been terrified. God only gives you what you can handle.... One day at a time ;)

It's scary for me to even look back at my life last year. Got married, started the nursing program, hodgkins lymphoma, surgeries, no hair, switched my major, chemo, radiation. Could you imagine if God said, "Ok Taylor, this is where were headed, just trust me! Oh and here's a lamp for your feet so watch your step!" Oh no no no no!

Thank you God that you give us what we can handle a day at a time. And thank you for supplying us with what we need to help us get through it :)

Can you look back on your life and see how God was there? Guiding your every step, only giving you bits at a time? Can you imagine what it would have been like if it all was just revealed to you? 

Side note: Sorry, dad that I was hesitant to trust what you said but let it be confirmed my our youth pastor! Haha! He went to school for that stuff though, right?